Perlman Seeks Assurance

Issues II

Monday April 23, 2018

 

Only 1 month after Ron Perlman’s acquisition of Toys R Us and his complete conversion to a Stock Car race team branded TRU Racing, he seeks reassurance in his decisions. Rumor has it Perlman reached out to Toys R Us “specialists” who hired when Perelman was given the tricky task of letting go thoughts of Toys R Us employees. A select few employees branded “Specialists” for their specific knowledge in the toy industry . “Ron Hired these specialists without knowledge of their actual job specialty” says a source close to Perlman. “He is easily “wooed by big and fancy words” says the source who claims they were hired because they falsely put “Race Historian” on their resume…

Perlman was distraught after seeing rookie driver and son Ryan Pelrman struggle in his first two races of the year in the STSC, first of which he did not even qualify for the main event. In his second race in South Alabama Ryan qualified for the 31st position and in a lack luster performance he finished in the same place in which he started. At one point the Rookie driver was seen in the top 10 only to fall back to 31 to finish the race. “I don’t know what happened out there I was feeling it, moving up the track, there were a few cautions which took out some big guys like Wozy. I should have done better I wasn’t feeling the the back stretch the Camaro wasn’t as responsive as I would have liked.” Said Ryan after the race.

Ron was on a mission to improve his Camaro after hearing the words for his rookie driver. In desperation he turned to in Specialists. Shocked and taken back by the request by Perlman to improve the Cars overall performance the specialists decided to take action against the race mogul. Clearly upset about the take over and remove of over 95% of employee’s the specialists played of their knowledge of racing and began work on a study to boost the Camaro’s performance.

The Study published by TRU Racing backed stats as such…

  • 1 Toys R Us Giraffe Decal boosts Horse Power by 11.28
  • on Average a colored Decal will boost the Cars Hp by 2.62% and a hood ordament could raise that by an additional 0.97% while improving the handing and aerodynamics.

Actual images released fro TRU Racing report

 

A recent Car re-design was pushed through the league design team which further leads us to believe the TRU race team is in a bit of a panic with no one with any real knowledge at the helm. How long will it be until someone points out this clearly obvious prank that has gone too far in the TRU organization.

30 Comments

  1. “1 Toys R Us Giraffe Decal boosts Horse Power by 11.28”

    I’d like to see the science behind that. My research gives a clear 10hp boost on lightning decals & 20hp boost on flame decals. But nothing on animal decals.

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