Getting Familiar With Teams

Hey folks, me again with a well-overdue article.  S3 is going to have some exciting new changes.  First, S1 and S2 drivers will be competing for the first time in large numbers, with over a third of the competitors being Season Two creates.  Secondly, we’ll get our first taste of racing teams!


11 teams are signed up (out of a potential max of 14).  This means that 33 of 42 tier 2 drivers will be on a team and 22 out of who knows how many tier 1 drivers.  At the time of this article, the draft has begun, but I don’t think it will be finished in time to get this done.  So let’s look at the teams so far and make some predictions.  By the way, I haven’t done attribute counts in like a month, since I’ve been fucking wrecked at work.  I’ll list them in draft order.


Double Rainbow Racing.  Managed by Drunken Teddy and featuring his own driver (Robert Phelps) in the D2 spot, making him one of 3 drivers in the D2 spot to finish in the top 7 last year.  With last season’s runner-up, Kevin Keselowski, in the D1 spot and Cody Ghostspeed in the D3 (thanks to their first draft pick), Double Rainbow averages 9th between all 3 T2 drivers.  To put that in perspective, if all teams were even, which clearly isn’t the case, the average T2 driver would be 16.5th.  Their weakness will be T1, where Yuno Wozy is their only member (though he finished 2nd in T1 of all drivers who stayed down).  Another driver will be picked eventually, but only after every other team has picked all their drivers.


LightSpeed Racing.  Managed by Zoone, with his driver (Alex Light) in the D2 spot.  While I like the name, what kinda team names itself after their second-best driver?  Tilly Tamburlaine signed up as the marquis driver, and they have already drafted Derek Zoolander as their third T2.  Averaging their S2 finishes, LightSpeed boasts an average of 9.7th between all 3.  Kung Fury was more famous for flying than driving, finishing 23rd among remaining drivers.


Team With Average Talent is beautifully named, especially if you like acronyms.  However, it may be a bit of an understatement, given that their lineup includes high-talent-but-low-performer Jack Stevens, Wes Winston, and now Pushkin in T2.  That’s an average of 15.7th finish, just barely above average.  T1 driver Adam Spencer finished 11th of those remaining, though, so they might “live down” to their name after all once their late T1 driver is picked.


Joe Dirt Racing is led by godsendconspirator, with Mike Molholt as their D1 followed by T1 champion Spark Spencer III.  Jon Ross, also moving up, rounds out the group.  Since I can’t compare their S2 standings to T2 drivers, I am gonna arbitrarily rank them 22nd and 28th, for an average score of 21.3.  Ryan Perlman, who had a rough 42nd place ending last season, is currently their only T1 driver.  Noteworthy about this team is that it is one of only two to not sign or draft the manager’s driver.


RJ Motorsports, managed by evreyone’s favorite underperformer, Rick James.  Stunning many, James decided to stay down in S3, making him the #1 driver in T1.  With his 15% share, RJM still had a ton of money to throw at top talent in T2 to complement their exceptional T1 roster.  Unfortunately, RJM didn’t declare until a lot of top talent had already committed.  As a result, RJM signed Kire Yelkrab, Joe Trickle, and Laura Vanderbooben.  I really have no idea what to predict here, as this is the only team I can confidently claim has the best team for any tier, but they are pretty weak in the other.


Team SCRAPS, managed by RomanusEuntDomus, named his own driver, Luis Cabrera-Perez, the D1 (and its about time).  However, as the name implies, there wasn’t a lot left.  Satoshi Nakata was a legitimately good prospect, but Blanco was among the worst T1 drivers, finishing 27th overall (though did finish second at Salem).  Bouchard, their T1 prospect, does have a high ceiling despite being new.


Crash Team Racing is led by ckroyal92, who recently got free TPE by telling someone to change the link on the referral after I did all the work.  He signed Borsepher NaNa as his top driver and drafted Rory Walker as the #3.  Benson Bayley is an intriguing pick for Tier 1, but not sure if that will yield anything.


Burnin Parms Motorsports has probably the worst name of all the teams, but with Danny Vandoorne as the main driver (controlled by team manager Insayne), I certainly can’t make fun of the talent.  Vandoorne was the T1 and T2 champion, so any team with him on it is automatically a contender.  Kurt Gunnabee, their second driver, finished 4th last year in T2 and 2nd in T1 the first year.  That easily makes the best 1-2 combo in the league.  Their T1 driver, Drunk Tuck, was heralded more as an agent of chaos than a championship threat, but this could still be a top team.


Too Legit to Pit was one of several delightful names suggested by TC, and juosu decided to use one since she signed Cooter Bigsby, TC’s driver, as her top driver.  Cooter won 2 races in T1, but will likely begin the season in the low twenties before quickly climbing the ranks.  Lightning McQueen was one of the best T1 drivers to not move up (and was better than several who did), so there is solid potential there.


XLR8 racing is managed by artermis, and is the second of two teams to not initially sign the manager’s driver (Boomer Gallant).  Should Gallant fall to them in the draft, they’d have a very well-rounded team, joining Chester Curd and the now correctly numbered Cal Naughton, Jr in T2.  Jimbob Drivefast represents their T1 corps, but XLR8 will get an early 2nd round pick.


Finally we have Independence Racing, led by Ace.  Charlotte Bowey signed on as the top driver, with Ace’s Tigole Bitties as the #2.  Bowey may have been a poor driver her first season, but improved significantly in S2, rising to 6th place.  If her improvement continues, she is a solid contender for the championship, and Bitties, finishing 11th last year, was no slouch either.  Recent joiner Richard Physt is a highly touted but unproven prospect.  Independence will be without solid talent in the 3rd driver spot, but will at least be able to avoid the dregs of round 2 with their first pick.


  1. Rumor has it, Zoolander was drafted by LSRT so he would stop wishing Alex Light would crash and die each race. Let’s see if the animosity halts now that they’re playing for the same side.

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