Peter Griffin has just finished painting his white picket fence after a long day of yard care when he heard the sound of screeching tires and the ice cream truck sound coming around the corner. As he stood on his porch, proud of a hard day’s work he realized his error a second later when the ice cream truck came crashing through the fence, over his tree, to slide across his manicured lawn.
The sliding door opened with the sound of grinding metal followed by a clank and the rattle of bud light cans falling to the ground. Drunk Tuck leaned out of the truck and belligerently yelled in Peter’s face, “Get in! I heard you can empty a septic tank.” Before he realized what was happening Peter was in the truck and on the road….at least most of the trip.
Tuck may have swerved into a few yards and onto the median from time to time, but they pulled up to Drunk Tuck’s “home” after an hour of the same ice cream truck music repeating itself every 14 seconds. Peter threw himself out of the vehicle and onto the lawn, happy to be out of the car and on the ground safely. It was only then that he realized he was sweating profusely, it was going to be dark soon, and that he had somehow agreed to help Drunk Tuck empty his septic tank.
Tuck’s “home” was actually a trailer parked on a lot. Behind the back were 5 for sale signs for said lot that somebody appeared to have torn down and hidden. It was there that Peter also realized he was standing in what could only be described as a sewage swamp. Tuck yelled down at him from his trailer, “Hey Pete, I’m outta Buds but I’ve got a 12 back of Coors with your name on it. Shovels out there somewhere!” With a deep sigh, Pete grabbed the shovel and wondering why the hell he was going to be helping this idiot for a 12 pack of his least favorite beer…after an hour of digging Tuck brought out a flash light and a bucket with a rope attached as Pete was just about done digging the cap off the tank.
“Just fish it out and throw it all over the fence in the back. Neighbors are in Hawaii! Suckers! I was glad I was able to get ya locked down when I heard you think paying people for any house chores and throwing their money away!” Tuck laughed.
Hours passed and Peter was emptying the last bucket when he realized Tuck had not helped at all. He threw down the rope and saw Tuck crunch a Coors can and throw it onto a pile of 11 more on the ground….sorry Pete too slow. You also can’t ride in my car covered in filth, should get to walking or call an Uber. See you at work pal.