Stuck with Tuck: Laura VanDerBooben

Laura VanDerBooben awoke to the sound of an electric vehicle whirring on her lawn. When Laura ran outside she saw a yellow orange Nissan Leaf trenching her yard. It was 2:00 AM and she was half asleep and did not really have her wits about her.

She chased the car two blocks down her street before she started to throw up what could only be described as the same color paint of the Leaf she was chasing. The car eased to a stop and then slowly beeped backwards to her. The passenger door open and she felt a strong hand pull her into the car.

Laura VanDerBooben was immediately assaulted by the smell of Bud light and rum, and it was not a good combination. But she also recognized that it was the signature “natural” scent of one of her colleagues, Drunk Tuck. She immediately reached for the door handle when the doors locked and she had to face her prankster. Drunk Tuck, slurring his words at the top of his lungs told her, “Whaa….whaa..welcome to Shtuck With Tuck!” Then he shined a bright light from a handheld camera in her face like they were filiming the Blair Witch Project and took off. During the remainder of their conversations, Tuck was screaming at the top of his lungs and repeating himself in slurred speech, so do not forget it.

Drunk Tuck started to drive and muttered various questions to Laura, most of which she could not understand. After about 30 minutes of driving Tuck pulled the car off of the road and onto a frozen pond and turned it off. Laura immediately felt were stomach turn over as she flashed to a nightmare of crashing through the ice and getting trapped under it because of this drunk idiot. Tuck then pulled out a single jar of pickled Okra and invited Laura to enjoy a nice early morning meal. At this point, she was not sure if this was calculated trolling with Tuck bringing along her least favorite food in the world, or if her day had somehow gotten even less lucky. She tried the door handle again, still no luck.

Fortunately, she had started to understand Tuck’s drunk speech and he asked her a series of questions about her family, her personal life, and her season thus far. Laura had had a rough go of it with no top 10 finishes and even worse, 4 did not finishes. However, she still was in decent positioning at 21 with a third of the season in front of her.

After Tuck finished the entire jar of Okra to himself and a flask of what may have been paint thinner he told Laura it was time to get coffee and he knew Dunkin Donuts was her favorite. They were off and driving around town when Tuck began to drive past several Dunkin Donuts. After the third one, he declared he could not find one and pulled into a Starbucks.

At that point Laura had had enough and her famous temper got the best of her. She slipped her left leg to the driver’s side while they were pulling into the parking spot and smashed down on the gas pedal. The car took off and stopped immediately with the wheels still turning. The Leaf has gotten stuck on the small concrete curb at the front of the stop…dam you Tuck.

After some more yelling from both parties, Tuck deemed the interview complete (Laura never got her coffee or breakfast) and started driving back to her home. The sun was beginning to rise and Laura had been up all night so she dozed off in the passenger seat. Laura awoke to a crash and thought she was reliving her worse nightmare, hitting a tree on the side of the track, when she looked over and realized Drunk Tuck had swerved into one of the trees in her yard.

She tried the door one last time. It was still stuck. She looked over to the unconscious Tuck and crawled out of the smashed windshield and into her bed.

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